miércoles, 4 de febrero de 2009

¡Que cocine tu abuela!


Ingredientes:
-un/a médium
-un espíritu cocinillas
-ingredientes que se nos indiquen desde el más allá

Todos tenemos en la familia algún antepasado cercano fallecido y famoso por su buen hacer en la cocina. Generalmente se trata de una abuela, pero si es otro pariente cada cual que actúe en consecuencia.
Si tiene usted algún tipo de poder paranormal o es de trance fácil puede prescindir del elemento médium.
Para todos los demás, contactar con un o una médium de confianza para que, a su vez, contacte con ese antepasado con dotes culinarias.
Una vez establecido el contacto (y realizadas los pertinentes saludos) pídale al espíritu que le posea y, una vez poseso/a, proceda usted a realizar su receta más añorada.
A partir del momento de la posesión, simplemente déjese llevar. Su cuerpo será el transmisor de esta especie de cocina automática que le llevará a elaborar el plato deseado con exactitud.
Una vez terminado, el o la médium pedirán amablemente al espíritu poseyente que se convierta en espíritu saliente y abandone su cuerpo (si se resiste habrá que recurrir a un exorcismo de primeros auxilios.)
Ya sólo queda despedir a la abuela y disfrutar de la receta elaborada.

NOTA: Se recomienda grabar todo este proceso en vídeo. De esta manera, aparte de poder enviarlo a “Cuarto Milenio” o “El programa de Arguiñano”, podrá usted aprender la receta y repetirla cuantas veces quiera sin profanar de nuevo el descanso de los difuntos.

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Contacte sólo con aquellos espíritus carentes de mala leche o, que en vida, no mostraron afición a las bromas pesadas; no sea cosa que le proporcionen la receta de una colitis o algo peor. ¡No todos saben estar en el más allá! Vamos, digo yo.
Espero no haberle ofendido, señor Pepico. ¡Siempre a su menaje!
(Voy a probar con mi abuela de Calasparra ahora mismo! Permiso.)

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Gran consejo, querida Canni, que en este país tendemos a magnificar la memoria de los muertos y seguro que más de uno era un hijoputa que pa qué.
En cuanto a lo de "señor Pepico", entiendo tu confusión pues el nombre del blog induce a engaño. Pero en realidad, Pepico es el señor que me inspiró todo este mundo de cocina y fantasía. Su frase (verídica) "anoche soñé que freía un colchón" es el punto de partida de todo lo que escribo aquí. Osea, que, a pesar de que Pepico sigue en mi cabeza inspirándome día a día, puedes llamarme Fande.
Idolatrado Feer, ya ves, y lo tenías al alcance de tu mano...
Por cierto, ¿escaldaillos? ¿qu'est-ce que c'est? corro a la wikipedia!

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